Life - Israeli Style

Hello again. It's been quite a while since the last post, so I thought I'd do a catch up. Thank G-d, all is going well here. Studying hard, playing harder, and generally having a good time. I can hardly believe that I've already been here over two months. It feels like yesterday since I left (although it'll be the day after tomorrow when I pop back for Succot!!).

Rosh HaShannah was really great. I stayed with my Great Uncle and Aunt in Rechavia, and davened at a minyan called Nafka Mina, where I have to say all the Tefillot were excellent. It's a minyan for young Israelis and Olim (who technically are Israelis I know, but you catch my drift). I went back to my Great Aunt and Uncle for Yom Kippur and again davened at Nafka Mina, where the davening was once again superb. It so nice to go somewhere where people are joining in and in the main not talking.


However there were two contrasting images that summed up the ups and downs of Israeli life, which I experienced over the past week. Last Wednesday, I went to the Kotel to do a bit of pre-YK davening for forgiveness. As I was leaving the actual wall, I could see a little commotion ahead of me, and a Security Guard stopping people from going up onto the plaza. It turns out that they had discovered a Cheftz Chashud, a suspicious package by the restrooms at the Kotel. Whilst a little concerning to be in the midst of all this, it was amazing to see the police robot that checks and if needs be, defuses the bomb, and I was able to get up close to the control van and watch the robot check the bag. However all this brought me back to the reality of life in Israel. Whilst 90% of the time everything is fine and you're just merrily making your way through one of the most uniquely amazing experiences of your life, you are also confronted by the day to day reality of having people who harbour such a level of hatred towards you and every other Israeli, that they would be willing to kill you to achieve their ultimate goal. The bag, Thank G-d, turned out to be harmless, but nonetheless it made me stop and think.

The second image was Yom Kippur in Israel. As I said before, I stayed with my Great Uncle and Aunt who live in the Villas down the bottom of the Wolfson buildings. The balcony to their flat backs onto Ben Zvi, one of the main traffic arteries that head through J-Town. However from the start of Yom Kippur, the road, like every other road in J-Town (and so I believe most of the country), fell silent. It's very eerie. Imagine the North Circular Road in London falling silent. It is also truly amazing, and something that is so special to Israel. That a country can just shut down and just rest, is so uplifting and makes me feel so lucky to be here and experiencing it.

For the good and for the bad, this is Israel. This year, at the end of the Yom Kippur davening I truly felt the power of saying, "L'Shana HaBa B'Yerushalayim HaBnuya" - "Next year in a rebuilt Jerusalem". I hope Please G-d to experience another Yom Kippur in Jerusalem, and Please G-d be able to personally share this unique experience with each and every one of you. G'Mar Tov, Shana Tova, Chag Samayach and L'Shana HaBa B'Yerushalayim HaBnuya.

Standing In The Middle Of The Road Waiting For The Little Man To Go Green

Someone asked me what's the deal with my Facebook status (for anyone not blighted by this particular curse, my status reads "Chaim is waiting in the middle of the road waiting for the little man to go green"). My intention was to write this first and then change the status, but hey, I'm Israeli! So let me explain. For anyone who has attempted to cross a road via a pedestrian crossing anywhere in the world, it's a fairly simple exercise. You go to the crossing, and in most places across the Western world, press a button, wait for the man to go from red to green, or go from a red 'Don't Walk' to a green 'Walk'. Then you walk from one side of the road to the other. In some countries if the road is wide, then you might find some sort of island in the middle, so if you get onto the crossing late you won't be caught stranded precariously in the middle of a road.

Now, let's speak about Israel.

In Israel, if the road is too wide to be crossed in one go and therefore requires you to negotiate two consecutive crossings, there are two sets of lights. However, rarely are these two sets of lights co-ordinated, and usually the light that goes green first is on the opposite side of the road. This means that you end up crossing to the middle of the road when your side goes green, and that's where you stand for the rest of the day...well it feels like it. Cars whipping you back and forth and you standing there like a lemon. So why don't you just wait till there are no cars and then run across Chaim??? Tut, tut, tut. That's illegal!!! The police enforce penalties against jay-walkers here with a relish rarely seen outside of a traffic warden in Westminster. Not really worth taking the chance in my opinion.

So here I stand, in the middle of the road, waiting for that little mean to feel a bit queasy and go green. Hopefully you'll visit me there soon.

An Englishman In Israel

So I was thinking to myself, how does a quintessentially chap from England such as my good self integrate into a society not known for extolling any values common to the Motherland, such as good manners, politeness and the ability to queue with a modicum of good order? Anybody been thinking the same thing? Thought so.

So why the sudden change in style of writing? Well I thought to myself, which is always a bad sign, I appear to be just writing a travelogue and, well, how do you write a travelogue when the whole purpose of me being in Israel is not to have a holiday, but have a life. So let me try a bit harder to make it more observational and try and inject more humour as I've had complaints about the lack of humour (It's so hard when you set the bar so high like I've done in the past ;-), he says without any hint of arrogance).

So let's start with the buses. The quality of your ride on a bus in this country is directly proportional to the amount of money you have paid in comparison to a bus ride in England. In England you pay a Kings ransom to go half a metre down the road. In Israel you pay the same amount to go from Jerusalem to Eilat. However, as recompense for this seemingly unbelievable 'deal', you get an Israeli driver... On Friday I got on a bus, and the driver, perhaps being behind schedule or perhaps just being an Israeli (yes, yes, I know that's me now, but allow me to finish), thinks the best way to make up time is just to close the doors when he thinks everyone's on the bus. Never mind that people might have backpacks or bags that inconveniently get stuck in the doors, causing said driver to blame said passenger for the whole debacle.
Today, I get on a bus and the driver thinks it's best to drive off without having got all the money. I ask for a Kartisiah (a ten ride ticket for those unfamiliar with Israeli buses), and present him with a 100 shekel note. Oh well, I may as well have insulted him, his family and all his descendants. He huffed and puffed, and realising he couldn't get the Kartisiah, give me change, and also clip a ride off the ticket, he decides to slam on the brakes and stop in the middle of the road (actually more of a three lane highway-style affair), which results in me stumbling and crashing into the front of the bus. That would have been OK, if there hadn't been this little teenage girl who unfortunately got crushed by my, how shall we say, generously proportioned body. Poor girl. I mumbled my apologies, glared at the driver, who seemed to still be holding that all the problems occurring were down to me, and took my change and my ticket. The girl seemed OK. These Israelis, tough as old boots...then again she did get off the bus at the next stop clutching her chest...hmm...

Now briefly I'll give you a rundown of my week in no particular order. This week I went to see the Simpsons (film, as opposed to a family in Jerusalem), went to The International Arts and Crafts Fair down by Jaffa Gate at the Sultan's Pool. For Shabbat, I was at cousins in Efrat, which as I've said before, is a wonderful place to go for Shabbat. This week has been a pretty quiet one, which has been good for catching up on sleep.

I'll have some more observations soon.

Booze and Barby

Hello, back again.

It's Sunday night and I'm actually in the Ulpan, which makes a nice change. I've had a really nice week where, Thank G-d, I've been busy every night. Party, party, party!!!
Sunday night was the official opening party at the Ulpan. Cue DJ, alcohol and South Americans showing us mere mortals how to move to the rhythm of the beat, and the Anglos showing them how to sit on the side and drink!

Monday night, I went to a Barbeque in the old city hosted by an organisation called 'Jerusalem Connections'. I'm not sure that I'm the sort of person they're looking to recruit (I got the impression they're main work is in Kiruv), but it was a fine night with great views and free meat!! After the Barbeque, a few of us wandered into town to have a drink, with wandering being the operative word. We walked this way and that without seemingly any direction, so cue old man Ford getting the hump! Sometimes even nice people turn nasty! lol

Also last week was the Jerusalem Wine Festival at the Israel Museum, where I of course put on my best 'Food and Drink' character, swirling all sorts of wine, and sticking my nose into glasses, whilst pretending that I wasn't just an 'alchie' glugging wine. It was most amusing for everyone else (anyone on Facebook, you can check out the pics!).

Shabbat, I was in Ulpan again but out for meals, including a wonderfully unique Friday night round at Barak's. For anyone that knows him, no he hasn't mellowed. I don't think the non-English guests could quite believe that people who like each other, might possibly display this by slagging each other off.

And now we're back to the start of another week :-(
This Sunday malarky is really beginning to get to me. I miss my second day of Shabbat in exile!

Please keep all your messages coming. Some of you have told me that you're missing me which means you're either very sweet or good liars, but I will take it as the former.

And on we go...

Hello! I remembered that I'm supposed to be blogging (thanks Benjy for the reminder!). Where was I?....Ah yes, Israel.

For my second Shabbat I headed down to Efrat to stay with my cousins. It was really nice to be back there. It's so peaceful and quiet, which is ironic when you are led to believe that it in the midst of a heavily volatile "West Bank". My cousin, Esty, who was enjoying her last Shabbat in Israel before returning to England post year off, also came and it was really nice to spend Shabbat with so much family.

Sunday of course is Monday in the rest of the world, but it wasn't as weird as I thought it would be getting up. Truth is life at the moment is a bit of a bubble. It's so far removed from what I left behind that it's sometimes hard to understand even what day of the week it is! I also decided to move to Kittah Gimmel, which to be honest is much better for me although still got plenty of work to do on the old DikDuk (Grammer). Mind you, I've still got plenty of work to do on English grammer so the problem is exacerbated!! lol

Tisha B'Av was hot here, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Well, I didn't dehydrate so that's a plus in my book! I went in the evening to hear Eichah in the Old City, and to enjoy a Shiur by none other than me old mate, Alex Cowan, which was really good. Afterwards I headed down to the Kotel, and it's weird as the place was packed and it all seems a bit too social for what is supposed to be one of the most tragic days in our history. However, being at the Kotel is an amazing experience on Tisha B'Av, and I can honestly say that for the first time I emotionally felt the loss of the Beit HaMikdash even if it was only on a very basic level. I know, 'whoa Chaim, don't go all spiritual on us', but I really did feel a sense of loss even if I can't fully appreciate what the loss is. During the day I mainly split my time between davening (where I bumped into Benjy Behrman!), Shiurim (very weird, at a place round the corner called Pardes, although i did attend an excellent shiur on whether or not we should say the special Tisha B'Av prayer, Nachem, either entirely or with amendments, which yet again cranking up the randomness was given by Rabbi Gideon Sylvester!!).

Wednesday and Thursday was spent mainly washing the mountains of dirty clothes that I had amassed over the two weeks in Israel. Not a bad job, if I do say so myself. Nothing went purple, nothing shrunk. Maybe next time...

For Shabbat, I was in the Ulpan, and Friday night was quite an experience as Saranne and I were really the only two Dati people at dinner. Meant that I had to play Daddy for everyone and make Kiddush and Motzi, although the former was in conjunction with an Italian who had all Kiddush in his head or so he'd thought! I davened Kabbalat Shabbat at a shul called Ramban, which is just off Emek, and apart from bumping into the great Jonny Lipczer and also Jonny Steel, I also discovered in this not particularly Anglo of shuls, there were about 6 or 7 copies of the new Singers Prayers Book. This country is a hive of randomness.

Shabbat lunch I was in town at Ilana (nee Gilbert) and her husband Josh, who made a goodbye meal for Rachel Smith who's off to Australia for 2 and a half months of Shlichut in Perth. Good luck, Rach. Saranne and I decided that the best way of getting up to town would be to avoid the heat of the day, and go early and daven in The Great on King George. The place is spectacular even without air conditioning!! We were treated to three and a half hours of Chazzanut and Choral singing courtesy of Chazzan Naftali Hershtik and the Choir. Ironically enough there was a Aufruf in that week from..........Finchley (Kinloss). So Rabbi Mirvis was there, as well as Rabbi Sudak from Edgware Lubavitch. How weird is that? After lunch we went back to Julia's (parents') gaff, which is wonderful with a superb view over most of Jerusalem. I also took the opportunity to have a quick shluf as well. It was really nice...that's the time at Julia's as opposed to the kip, which I suppose was also quite nice...hmm... Thanks again Julia!! I also bumped into my cousin, Jonny Roodyn and his son Dovid whilst out at Mincha so that was also very nice.

That brings us back up to date. Give me a chance and I'll get to grips with blogging and I won't keep splurging weeks into a blog!! (Shorter and funnier was one piece of critique given. Thanks for the feedback, but as you know I ramble so....I unintentionally ignored that). Until the next time, over and out.

The First Week or So

Greetings from the Holy Land. I’ve been advised that instead of emailing you insanely long emails, I need a better vehicle for my ramblings. “Blogging Chaim”, they said, “It’s the future”. Bit like Garlic Bread I suppose. Oooh, taste sensation! That should separate the Peter Kay fans among you, from the regular hoi paloy! Anyhow, I’ve drifted (you should be used to it by now).

So here I am wondering if I’ve really just made Aliyah or am actually on some weird holiday! Let’s cut to the ‘brass tacks’ as they say (I don’t know who they are either). Wednesday was very emotional. It’s hard to say goodbye to everything and everyone I’ve known and loved. However I see it as L’Hitraot, more than goodbye. Please G-d, I will see you all either here or back there, and so I’ll forgo the finality. Right, serious-ish stuff over, let’s go back to where I was. Flight was good, and it felt strange to be wandering around Ben Gurion after midnight, and do official processing stuff with Nefesh B’Nefesh (NBN, if I refer to them again from here on out). Once we’d got all the processing out the way, done what we need to do, and picked up our cases (bend with you knees, bend with you knees!!!), we went through departures, where Saranne’s brothers, Julia, and Tami G (here on an extended holiday) were there to great us. Well not the whole plane, I mean that would be silly. Hmmm, maybe…Anyhows, it was really nice, and Saranne’s bros had made T-Shirts for themselves and her to wear, and Julia and Tami had made us nice glittery signs, which was really, really sweet (Thanks guys!). Saranne went off with her brothers to head to Modiin, and I went off to get my (free) taxi ride. Now you have to picture the scene. There are loads of people standing around waiting for their ride. I rock up give them my slip for the free ride, but also wonder if i can give Julia, Tami, and Julia's friend, Danni, a lift at least to my destination. However I'm thinking what does this look like. I've arrived in Israel and the first thing I do is pick up 3 pretty girls and take them to a hotel in Jerusalem! Long and short, they didn't have enough room, so I went in a free sherut, which dropped a few other olim heading to J-Town. However this was no ordinary sherut. No my first real taste of Israeli bureaucractia arrived when they wouldn't let the driver leave the airport complex until he'd paid his airport tax. To do this he had to head all the way back to the terminal, pay, get a slip and then drive back again. All this at 2 in the morning! Having gone through this the driver proceeds to tell us that we would pass a spring set into a hill side where you can go and fill your bottle with the purest waters in Israel. Yep, you guessed it. Cue another stop! I eventually got to the hotel about 3.15 in the morning, and basically checked in and flopped out. Over the first few days at the hotel, I took the opportunity to do a bit of the initial admin stuff, so I went with Saranne on the Thursday and opened a bank account (only after having been told in the morning that our Teudot numbers weren't yet on the system!).

For Shabbat I went to my sister's best friend, Sharon Blumberg, who lives in Modiin with her husband, Roi. Cue another story. Sharon told me that the main bus to Modiin left at either 3 or 4. I of course, didn't move quick enough for the 3 o'clock bus and so go to find the 4 o'clock one. Long and short, i was pointed to the wrong stop, and missed it. This meant that in the end Sharon and Roi had to come and pick up their Shabbat guest! (Thanks again Sharon).

Sunday, I checked into the Ulpan, which as is becoming obvious with Israeli bureaucracy, took the best part of the day before I got my room. I'm sharing with two English guys called David Brummer and Alex Zyslbalt in a room not much bigger then my one back in London!

Ulpan, in terms of lessons, didn't really start until Tuesday, so Sunday and Monday was spent doing more bureaucracy, medical insurance, doctor, etc etc.

Yesterday (Tuesday), lessons began and it's scary how much of my Ivrit I've lost. Please G-d, it will return soon!

So that's me done for the mo. I'll try and blog again soon. Hope you're all ok, and L'Hitraot, I'll see you all soon.