Tell me, what makes an Israeli?

Holy cow Chaim, you're not thinking of tackling this subject are you? Dear God man, everybody writes about this and no one has an answer...do you? Well, no. So now you're all thinking two things. One, what's Chaim writing this for? Two, does Chaim realise he's showing the first two signs of madness, namely talking to himself and then answering himself??? Well, I'll answer the first question below, and yes to the second question...


I was at a wedding about a month ago when I said to a friend that I don't like olives. This brought about the response of 'you do realise that if you don't like olives, you can't be Israeli!' I then mentioned that I don't like Garinim (Sunflower seeds, which Israelis eat by the bucket load and then spit out in random places...I believe that they would like this to be added as an Olympic event for the 2012 Olympics as they feel they would have a fair chance of the Gold!). So my friend told that me that was it, I may as well make Yeridah and go back to Ingerland.

Joking aside, (yes, yes, I was trying to be funny...hmph...), it got me thinking. In a land filled with immigrants from all over the globe, what makes an Israeli?

Do you have to be a rude, opinionated, know it all to be an Israeli?

If you can walk past a falafel or shwarma stand and not feel the urge to have one, does that mean you need to book a plane ticket back to the land of your birth?

If you have manners and are polite, are you just a foreigner abroad?

Does being an Israeli mean that you must develop for the rest of the world infinite amounts of new technology, and then never use any of it, so much so that you still think that stuffing a piece of paper with the name of your chosen party into an envelope, remains the best way to cast a vote?

Is it believing סלטים - dips, are perfectly alright as a first course?

Is it going to a supermarket chain and finding the prices are completely different to the sister store just up the road?

Is it also about queueing up to pay (standing in line, for the North Americans), when you have only done half your shopping?

Perhaps it's the knowledge that anybody that works in a clothing store knows your size better than you do, and reserves the right to shake their head when you ask for your size and then bring you a size larger?

Is it knowing that a visit to any government office, requires you to pack food and clothing for a few days until you'll be seen by an official who then tells you that you needed to bring every single piece of paper you have ever had in your hand from the moment you stepped off the plane and then go to another office that's served by a bus that comes once every never?

Could it even be haggling with your bank manager over what rate they will give you on your account, or how much your overdraft limit will be?

Is it standing in a DIY store and thinking, 'isn't it great to see so many Jews here' (well, we plan, we design, we don't build), and then realising that most of these people are employees of the store?


I think it could be all of the above and much more. But maybe it's the most simple thing of all. To be an Israeli is all about feeling that any place you go to in this country is your home, and in the same way that within the confines of your home you are free to do whatever, be whoever, say whatever you want, whenever you want; why?; because this is my house and I make the rules; so to you have the right to do all of these things wherever you are. Why? Because Israel is my house, and I make the rules.

I am an Israeli!